This is taken from a meditation by Deepak Chopra. It just knocked me out – as the NEW way of Getting to Yes. It is highly relevant in today’s environment where trusted, unbreakable relationships are sought and cherished.
“There are two ways at looking at disagreements when they crop up. You can see it as an obstacle to getting what you want or you can see it as a creative ferment – the stages where solutions are brewing –that will satisfy everyone or as many people as possible. When the process is negative, we feel coerced, bullied or manipulated.
When the process is positive, we feel relief and mutual satisfaction.
Taking a creative attitude toward disagreements makes the positive paths open up.
There will always be bumps in the road to real solutions. Getting past the bumps requires attention and awareness. Currently, when people talk about “getting to Yes”, they mean that the other person in the relationship or the negotiation must be manipulated in some way to come around. This leads to a selfish Yes – and most of the time one side wins from the negotiation while the other side loses.
A genuinely positive YES only occurs when both sides feel like equals. Equality isn’t hard to grasp even when we resist it emotionally. Both sides feel respected. Both feel listened to and understood. These are the preconditions, but there is more to the story.
You must also identify the real need that wants to be met. People don’t usually come out and state their needs. Someone may feel too untrusting, too judged against or too insecure to reveal what it really at stake for them.
Needs aren’t a mystery and as you become more attuned, awareness expands – you will be more intuitive about what the people around you really want. The basic categories are:
- The need to feel safe and secure;
- The need to feel that they are gaining the good things everyone wants in material terms rising above mere subsistence;
- The need to be accepted;
- The need to express themselves;
- The need to be loved and valued with intimate regard
When two people get to Yes, one or more of these needs is being met on both sides.
We want what is good for everyone. A false Yes occurs when someone feels pressured not to speak up or say what they really think. People will give you their best if they feel safe with you, believe that you can be trusted, and see you take a personal interest in them.
When these conditions are met, disparities become the spark for rising to a higher level of YES that brings a feeling to everyone they are gaining something that they actually need.
As much as we desire having our own needs met, it’s more beautiful and fulfilling to be the one who gives others that they need. This is how a better, fairer world is shaped from the level of unlimited awareness.”
Thank you Deepak for your insight.
Taken from a meditation by Deepak Chopra in “Oprah & Deepak 21-Day Meditation Experience.”